Alzheimer’s, Should It End Your Marriage?
Pat Robertson made what has to be one of the hardest and controversial advices in television history - that a man divorce his wife who no longer recognizes him due to Alzheimer's.
On Tuesday night, on his show "The 700 Club," Robertson answered a call from a man who asked what to tell a friend whose wife is suffering from severe dementia, related New York Times.
"This is a terribly hard thing," Mr. Robertson said. "I hate Alzheimer's. It is one of the most awful things, because here's the loved one - this is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years, and suddenly that person is gone "
"I know it sounds cruel," he continued, "but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her."
When his co-anchor remarked that if went against one's marriage vow of "till death do us part," Robertson stated that "This is a kind of death."
"I certainly wouldn't put a guilt trip on you if you decided that you had to have companionship, you're lonely, you have to have companionship," Mr. Robertson said.
The report continues that a bulk of reactions from the public considered his suggestion "cruel or immoral."
At the same time, it can't be denied that Robertson recognized the pain and hardships that the loved ones of Alzheimer's patients experience. The struggle of a spouse in seeing his or her partner dissolve into almost a stranger, with no recollection of love or connection left, is quite beyond words or understanding.
Alzheimer Patients Can Also Form New Relationships
Another Times report revealed the fact that sometimes people with dementia also fall into new romantic relationships of their own.
This situation came to light four years ago when John Jay O'Connor III, 77-year old husband of retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, found a woman companion in the nursing home where he lived.
As Alzheimers affects the brain and erases memory, patients who are married may lose recognition of their husbands or wives. It may just be like feeling unattached and open to love and relationships.
"Imagine if all the people you know and loved disappeared,'' said Dr. Richard Powers, chairman of the medical advisory board of the Alzheimer's Foundation of America. "Wouldn't you want to find someone who was your friend, who would hold your hand and watch old television shows with you? The person with Alzheimer's still searches for joy.''
Dr. Richard adds that reactions of family members vary. The children of Alzheimer's patients find it hard to see their parent with another person, while many spouses feel glad in seeing their loved one comforted by a new friend in the midst of the disease.
"It's not uncommon at all for families and spouses to allow this to go on, because it sustains a person's happiness,'' said Dr. Powers. "Those of us who have had this disease in our families know you just have to roll with these changes. Let them have a friend, if it buys them a day of happiness.''
This may be hard for others to understand, but for the spouse of a beloved who is forced into such an uncontrollable situation as Alzheimer's, this may be all that matters.