Back in 2008, Jennifer Hudson had the most horrifying experience in her life when her mother, brother and nephew were murdered.

She has remained silent until now. On Monday night's VH1's Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson, she said: "It's all a blur, it was surreal."

According to Hudson, she immediately went into hiding after the nightmare.

"For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out," she says. "I prayed when I'd get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night," she said.

"I feel like I've lived about three or four different lives."

Her fiance and her 11-month old son David were a great help in her healing.

"In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom," she said, remembering her mother.

Little David "reminds me of my nephew", said Hudson.

"He makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us."